Angus: I should have guessed all was not entirely well in the cat department when I picked him up and he began savaging my cardigan.

Thongs: What is the point of them? They just go up your bum, as far as I can tell.

Full-Frontal Snogging: Kissing with all the trimmings, lip to lip, open mouth, tongues ... everything. (Apart from dribble, which is never acceptable.)